Archive for the ‘Appointments’ Category

I’ve made them all thus far . . .

. . . the week 8 ultrasound, the week 12 check-up, the triple marker blood screen test, the serum integrated screening, the nuchal translucency test, the week 18 anatomical survey, the week 22 check-up, the week 26 gestational diabetes test, the 3D ultrasound, and the week 30 check-up.

But that glorious streak is about to end. Because this afternoon’s appointment includes something called a Group B Strep culture. Maybe you had a better immune system than I did, but I remember having strep throat about 8,000,000 times as a child. The worst part was always that super long “cotton swab on a stick” that the nurse stuck down your throat and jiggled around for a culture.

Only now I find out that Group B Strep is quite different from Group A. For starters, it causes things a lot worse than a sore throat in newborns (think: sepsis and meningitis). And, more importantly, it isn’t found in the throat. It’s found in the digestive tract and birth canals of pregnant women. So where are they gonna stick that super long cotton-swab on a stick? That’s right. My wife’s anus and vagina.

So I’m tapping out of this one.

I have a very special relationship with those parts of my wife’s body, and I’d rather maintain the illusion that I am the only adventurer to have wandered those magic forests.

Besides, we have weekly check-ups from this point forth.

I’ll make all those.

Read Full Post »